ilalang senja

senja
aku tak ingin dirinya bergegas pergi
meninggalkan diriku dalam gelap
senyap tanpa suara

aku tahu
aku hanyalah sepercik noda dalam gurat cahayanya
dan tanpa belas kasih merusak warna-warnanya dengan hitamku
sisakan pedih dan perih yang tak kunjung padam

aku tak bisa berhenti memikirkan dirinya
perasaan itu begitu berkecamuk, menghantuiku malam ini
selalu kubayangkan betapa sakitnya diriku bila menjadi dirinya
dia yang sudah melewati banyak hal di waktu-waktu paling berat ini

tahukah engkau, senja
aku selalu ingin meninggal di sore yang cerah
saat sinar lembutmu menerpa jasadku
membuat bayangan sangat panjang

aku hanya ingin dia tahu, senja
betapa aku menyesal pernah membuatnya begitu sakit
dan bahwa aku masih punya waktu untuk mengatakan “maaf” padanya
sebelum semuanya terlambat

karena hanya dia yang bisa membisikkan padaku nyanyian ilalang itu
bersama desir angin lautan yang hangat, berirama
membelai jasadku, juga wajah indahnya yang dibalut rambut panjang
begitu hitam

~Surabaya, 29th of July 2012

sail to the moon

been following the shadow of your waving hand
to collate my fragmented strange dreams

there’s a sea behind the clouds
where eternal lights can be found

you draw the map of the sky
while I learn how to use the compass

then put our stardust on a bright twilight
and sail to the moon

~Surabaya, 26th of January 2011

chapter IV: flares

kelabu

mendung tebal memayungi Midtown Manhattan saat sinyal itu dinyalakan oleh Matthew Sigorini dengan melemparkan molotov-nya menuju barisan riot police
seketika itu juga ribuan demonstran mengikuti dengan menerbangkan ratusan batu ke arah yang sama

begitulah, New York dilanda riots mulai hari ini
situasi kota memanas sejak kemarin saat Jonathan Hayes tewas di tangan NYPD
pemuda 18 tahun itu terkena tembakan di kepalanya dalam aksi anti-NWO di Times Square

hey tunggu, tujuan kami siang ini bukan mengikuti riots yang disebut oleh seorang reporter TV tak jauh dariku itu sebagai “The Most Violent Moment in New York City’s History”
aku, Ruslan Ismailov, James Richardson dan Martin DiMaggio punya kesibukan lain
ya, kami akan merampok Bank of America di Sixth Avenue itu dengan memanfaatkan riots untuk mengalihkan perhatian NYPD

wireless world

mustahil melihat sifat manusia dari tulisannya
hitam dan putih tanpa emosi, melawan dunia yang nyata
teks berbaris, gelombang udara, dan kotak ribuan suara

tapi suaranya malam itu meredam gelisahku
dia adalah distikon hidup yang pernah aku tahu
dengan indahnya menghentikan waktu

~Surabaya, 30th of October 2011, Yoshioka Yui on my playlist

no perspective

in a tip of the endless shadow
there will be a light

it’s always waiting for you
even if you’re desperate on finding it

hold on tight to my hand, stay with me
I’ll guide you through the dark

~Surabaya, 30th of May 2011, little light in the shadow

Allah knows

no matter what, inside or out
there’s one thing of which there’s no doubt
Allah knows

…and whatever lies in the heavens and the earth
every star in this whole universe
Allah knows

~by Zain Bhikha

abu huraira’s

The people say that Abu Huraira narrates too many narrations. In fact, Allah knows whether I say the truth or not. They also ask, “Why do the emigrants and the Ansar not narrate as he does?” In fact, my emigrant brethren were busy trading in the markets, and my Ansar brethren were busy with their properties. I was a poor man keeping the company of Allah’s Apostle and was satisfied with what filled my stomach. So, I used to be present while they (i.e. the emigrants and the Ansar) were absent, and I used to remember while they forgot (the Hadith).

One day the Prophet said, “Whoever spreads his sheet till I finish this statement of mine and then gathers it on his chest, will never forget anything of my statement.” So, I spread my covering sheet which was the only garment I had, till the Prophet finished his statement and then I gathered it over my chest. By Him Who had sent him (i.e. Allah’s Apostle) with the truth, since then I did not forget even a single word of that statement of his, until this day of mine. By Allah, but for two verses in Allah’s Book, I would never have related any narration (from the Prophet).

(These two verses are): “Verily! Those who conceal the clear signs and the guidance which we have sent down …..(up to) the Merciful.’ (Al-Baqara 159-160)

~taken from Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 39, Number 540

confession 2.0

my left is always the weakest side of mine
most of my story is often colored by some depressive narratives

but I’m not one of those suicidal kinds, dear
I’m just a sensitive-case boy with a bipolar disorder problem

maybe if my heart stops beating, it won’t hurt this much
because nobody can’t hurt me anymore

~Surabaya, 13th of November 2010,  in an emotional state

white/black

selalu ada dua kutub dalam diriku, putih dan hitam
seperti saat engkau melihat dua warna di mataku

seperti kata mereka saat bersamaku,
“jalan pikiranmu tak pernah linear, kawan”

juga seperti saat dirinya memandangku saat aku berkata,
“aku hanyalah perpaduan dari dua warna itu, karena itulah aku berbeda”

~Surabaya, 3rd of November 2010, my laptop is as black as night

kings and queens

Into the night
Desperate and broken
The sound of a fight
Father has spoken

We were the kings and queens of promise
We were the victims of ourselves
Maybe the children of a lesser God
Between heaven and hell, heaven and hell